Forvid-20
April 5, 2020
National Savings Organisation
April 24, 2020

Fearvid-19

No wonder, Pakistan’s Houbara Bustards, Markhors and Siberian Cranes are euphoric with relief and joy. Those who mercilessly massacred them with ferocious falcons and long range guns are now being themselves hunted and haunted by insignificant miniscule ‘nobodies’. It is widely believed that the attack on humans and their bloated egos is led by a well-acclaimed virus leader called Covid-19. Few however know that the real damage is done by the foot soldiers of yet another virulent strain called Fearvid-19, which is a 100 times more potent, resilient and contagious version of Covid-19. Fearvid-19, nicknamed ‘Fear’, is an imaginary virus that follows the pattern of Type 2 Diabetes and acts like a silent killer.

So how is Fearvid-19 different and more lethal than Covid-19. To start with, one is real, the other imaginary. One can be seen under a microscope, the other can only be experienced. One displays overt symptoms like fever, cough and breathing difficulty, the other can only be observed by changes in patient’s behaviour. Unlike Covid-19 which is egalitarian in character, Fearvid-19 is classist in nature. Its victims are typically the rich, unthinking, idle and the gullible.

Scientists attach great importance to how Fearvid-19 manifests and mutates itself. They are concerned that while Covid-19 may disappear in a few months, Fearvid-19, its partner-in-crime may qualify for a ‘permanent residence’. Unlike Covid-19, it simply cannot be washed away with any number of soapy encounters. Those in possession of a disease spreading instrument called ‘smart phone’ are like to be the biggest carriers as well as victims of this disease.

Fearvid-19, begins to release its harmful chemicals as soon as a person hears a notification sound or begins glancing at the phone’s WhatsAPP messages. On seeing ‘forwarded’ written at the top of a post, the infected person, gets into a state of mindless frenzy and begins to forward the post regardless of the nature of its content. Each Fearvid-19 infected ‘WhatsAppian’ could infect hundreds of other individuals simply by the movements of one’s fingers on a cell phone.

Fearvid-19 is transmitted by misinformation and gossip – a product invented by the Sapiens some 70,000 years ago. The vaguer and less verified the information, the more potent is its harmful impact. Fearvid-19 flourishes on these half baked pieces of information, causes pangs of disproportionate fear and distress and forces patients to imagine the worst case scenarios. Also termed as paranoidal tendencies, a patient, for example, would typically imagine death as an outcome for even a harmless and healthy event such as a sneeze or someone marginally violating the recommended 6 ft. cordon. The heightened anxiety and fear result in release of stress hormones, which in turn begin to shut down the immune system, thus opening a new window of opportunity for awaiting sicknesses.

Professionals are unanimous in convincing us that since Fearvid-19 will permanently alter the Genome of its patients, they will need to restart lives with a completely different operating system. After all humans know a lot about how to cope with work but they have very little idea of what to do with idleness. They must join classes to relearn old and forgotten skills such as writing a letter with a pen, treating an animal with respect, spending fifteen minutes without looking at a gadget and walking or cycling to work.

Scientists and pharma industries are convinced that the only treatment for a virus ending with a ‘VID’ is a ‘VAC’ (vaccine). Scores of research labs are working overtime and in competition to develop the first Vid Vac . ‘Either you are vaccinated or you are not’, could easily be the new benchmark for good and bad humans. But before all this can happen, we must pause for a moment and ponder. Would it not be wiser to look for more humane, environment friendly and immune strengthening options?. Here is a brilliant opportunity for sanity to prevail over sanitizers.

Naeem Sadiq
The News, April 23, 2020