Type 2 Eyewash

Type 2 Eyewash

Eyewash arrangements are usually required at two locations.   In industry, to provide emergency eye decontamination when a worker’s eyes are exposed to harmful chemicals, dust or materials.   In politics, to throw dust into the eyes of the people by repeatedly hurling misleading or illusory statements, plans or promises.  While the first is classified as a desirable ‘emergency control’, the second, or the Type 2 eyewash is considered deceptive and detrimental.  Its need increases as the leaders run out of ideas or options or both.  This article endeavours to explain how the Type 2 eyewash has come to be accepted as a ‘standard operating procedure’ and how to treat this malaise.

On May 8, 2024, the Prime Minister in a state of hysterical excitement, launched a fiery Type 2 eyewash by saying, “Today, with iron conviction, I declare from this moment an Emergency in Education all over Pakistan, to handle the challenge of 26 million out-of-school children.”  Four months later, on September 8, 2024, jolted by the International Literacy Day (and having forgotten what he said earlier), the PM, once again relaunched the same imaginary educational emergency.  None of these outbursts were based on any prior research, thought or planning.   These unplanned emotionally laden eruptions are not known for improving school enrolment.

Type 2 eyewashes are typically launched by announcing a ‘week’ or a ‘drive’ i.e. ‘Cleanliness’, ‘Anti beggary’, ‘Vehicle checking’, ‘Ban-the-plastic-bag’ or ‘austerity drive’.   The “austerity drives”, however take the cake for best optical illusions.  Consider, three austerity drives that were launched in the last fourteen months, i.e. National Austerity Committee (June 23), Reduction of Government Expenditure Committee (March 24) and Rightsizing Committee (June 24). All they accomplished was to recommend reducing government departments from 53 to 52.  Taking advantage of this smokescreen, the Punjab government, even without waiting for the arrival of the borrowed IMF dollars, decided to dent the exchequer by a completely wasteful expenditure of purchasing 79 new luxury vehicles for Rs617 million. This uncontrolled binge came only after similar luxury vehicles worth Rs180 million had already been purchased for the Punjab Assembly two months earlier.

Not to be left behind, the Sindh government, in September 2024, decided to spend a massive amount of Rs2 billion to purchase luxury double-cabin 4×4 vehicles to cushion the tired haunches of its 138 assistant commissioners and commissioners.  It appears as if ‘austerity drives’ are designed to further accelerate the government’s extravagance with a renewed vengeance – akin to adding heavy cargo (of luxury vehicles) on a sinking ship.

What are some of the practical ways to detox leaders intensely craving to deliver the next salvo of Type 2 eyewash.   The first advice for those seeking this treatment is to keep the upper and the lower lip tightly glued together for as long as possible. Be brief and use facts instead of mechanically  induced emotions or oft-repeated potboilers.   Spend at least as much time thinking, reading, planning and organising as in making a speech.  Next, learn to differentiate between wishes, facts and hot air.  Say only what you really mean, what you can actually do, and preferably what you have already done. Avoid buzzwords and bromides like, “This will be the last IMF programme in Pakistan’s history”.  Even the high school kids can easily see-through the cavity of this (at least) 27 times misused pronouncement.

The best way to avoid type 2 eyewash is to be aware of what constitutes an eyewash. Invariably it is composed of hollow slogans, rusted cliches, ‘austerity drives’, emotional waffle, false promises or a mixture thereof.  It is helpful to have an insight that all these are negative motives, with chronic harmful effects in the long run.  They are used only to look good, to appease, to fool or to buy time.    A good strategy to avoid Type 2 eyewash is to frequently pause and reflect on the ratio of the wheat and chaff in one’s statements and actions.  Frequently stepping down from the Type 2 eyewash treadmill and going for a long walk can help restore one’s perspective.

Besides its medical benefits, a long solitary walk is an excellent opportunity for retrospection on what one is trying to accomplish. One must constantly question “if the unending, pretentious rhetoric is backed up by facts or a mere Type 2 eyewash?”   A simple litmus test for an ‘austerity drive’ could be, “willingness to stop the purchase of all new luxury vehicles and withdraw all 150,000 or so already issued government vehicles, their 5 million liters free fuel per month, their 150,000 drivers and their plunderous misuse. If the answer is ‘no’, be sure, you are into big time Type 2 eyewash. If the answer is ‘yes’, you are an upright leader who shall be remembered for recovering the unethically pilfered funds and hopefully returning them to their rightful owners – the sanitation workers, security guards, coal miners and the railway coolies of Pakistan.

 Dawn  6 November 2024